READER POST! - Wednesdays with Mimi

Jenny Smith

After my hospice volunteer training in 2009, I was ready and raring to go.  I spent several months volunteering in the Carroll Hospice Dove House and felt "ready" for prime time -- an in-home patient.  I wasn't prepared for most of them…not for what you'd expect to be the "normal" reasons of not being prepared for an in-home hospice patient experience, but because I rarely got to meet my patients.  Seems like every patient I took on, passed on before I got to meet them.  I felt like the hospice volunteer office may secretly be calling me "the angel of mercy" or worse!

 

After many assignments of barely getting to know any patient, I was assigned Mrs. G. She was/is not your "usual" hospice patient.  Not only did I get to meet her (HOORAY!) but she eventually "graduated" (my term) from hospice care!  I'd never heard of such a thing!!  She had recovered enough from her original medical need to be released.  The family had become accustomed to the hospice care and were quite disappointed that this was going to end.  Mimi, as family and close friends refer to her, and I were also disappointed as we had come to really care a lot for each other.

At her release from hospice care, I made a decision to stay on with my visits, not as a volunteer but as her friend.  Mimi was at the very heart of why I began volunteering with Carroll Hospice…I had a need to be with, and make a difference in the lives of, older people.

We met for 2 - 3 hours every Wednesday afternoon and usually played 2 - 3 games of Scrabble during each visit.  I was often heard saying, "SHE'S IN IT TO WIN IT!!!" or "SHE'S A SHARK TODAY!"  Mimi was often heard saying "Oh!  She got the "Z"!" or "Hon, what does "zit" mean?" or funnier yet, "Is that a word?"  Mimi is 94 and had not heard the word "zit" before but after realizing it was officially an acceptable Scrabble word…straight out of the Scrabble dictionary I got for us to use…she herself used "zit" on occasion.  That gave me great pleasure; I was actually able to teach MIMI, who taught ME how to be a good and strategic Scrabble player, a "new" word!

After 2 beautiful years of friendship and some ups and downs physically, Mimi is once again in Carroll Hospice's gentle and loving care and I have been given the official volunteer role again.  Even throughout, what is to be, her final battle, Mimi has made EVERY single ounce of effort she has to play Scrabble with me.  What I believe will be our last game was last Wednesday, February 22.  She lay in bed for much of our visit, while I read to her, we prayed, and we talked.  She decided she wanted to get up and attempt to play a game.  We began the game and after we each played 2 words, she drifted off to sleep.  She awoke to see me looking at her and I said, "How about if we just talk some more?"  She agreed and we enjoyed the rest of our visit having a conversation about her beliefs about death and heaven and not understanding why God had left her here for so long.  I told her that I have ALWAYS loved older folks and had so wanted a close relationship with someone like her.  I said that I didn't think God was doing all of this for me, but I was thankful to Him (and her, for sticking around through the suffering) for her and that without her, I would never have had such a wonderfully fulfilling experience and friendship.
 
I visited Mimi yesterday (February 29).  She is now mostly unresponsive.  I stayed for 3 hours, reading her favorite Bible passages, reading lyrics from a hymnal from which she knew ALL the words to EVERY song, praying aloud for God to alleviate her pain and telling her how much I have loved her and our friendship.   I decided that I would sing a hymn (my favorite) that I had sung to her weeks before (at her request otherwise I would have NEVER put her through that misery), How Great Thou Art.  I have found that my aging voice can't hit the high notes as well as they used to.  At one point in the song, I tend to get a little (probably a LOT) creeky but I muddle through it.  When I got to that point, her eyebrows and forehead peaked upward and I thought, "she's singing along with me!"  That made me really happy.  Either that or she was wincing because my singing was hurting her ears!  Either way, I knew that she knew I was there and that made me REALLY happy.

I'm not sure if I'll get another Wednesday with Mimi.  Part of me selfishly hopes that I do, but a bigger part hopes that I don't.  I want her suffering to end and for her to be united with God, her husband, parents and sisters who have gone before her.  I will miss her so dearly but Love is a gamble.  You step out on that ledge and take a chance.
Step back if you can't handle the wind but if you can stand there with strength and endure the fears that go along with it, your rewards are numerous.

I love you and will miss you forever, Mimi.  Thank you for sharing the only gift you had to offer, yourself.  I thank you for that most precious gift.

Jenny and Mimi
Editors note: Jenny told me that Mimi passed on the day after Jenny wrote this piece. That is all.

FOR HIRE

    I have been involved in business in some form or another for a long time.  I have started businesses.  I have owned business.  I have worked for huge national businesses, family businesses and almost everything between the two.  I love business, not because business interests me, but because of the people I have met along the way.

     A week ago, I was asked by a former employee to fill out a reference, online, for a job he had applied for.  He started hounding me several times a day to get it done for him.  I finally got around to it yesterday.  Right on time, at noon, he called.  He asked me if I had filled it out.

     “Sure did,” I answered.

     “What did they ask?” he said.

     “The usual things.”

     “It all went good, right?”

     “Sure did. I might have made three mistakes though.”

     “What?  Mistakes?  What mistakes?”

     “I think I misspelled heroin three times.”  He didn’t think that was funny.  I did.  When you are in business the one thing you need above all other things is a sense of humor.  The second thing you need is to be able to roll with the punches.

     Once I owned a demolition company with a business partner.  One day, a foreman, Thomas, came up to my partner and me after our morning site meeting.  He had not shown up for work the previous day.  In construction you are lucky if anyone shows up at all, to be honest. 

     “Are you ok?” I asked.

     “Yes sir.  My wife had a problem yesterday”, Thomas said.

     “Is she ok?”

     “Yes sir, she had a problem with her magina.”

     “Her magina?” I said.  I stopped my partner from correcting Thomas with a look my partner knew all too well.  That morning’s crew was still standing around but started drifting off to get started on the work of the day as if the mere mention of magina problems was contagious.

     “Yes sir. That is what the doctor said.  He gave her some medicine and said her magina will be as good as new in a week or so.” Thomas said.

     “Ok Thomas, that’s good then.  But listen, the next time your wife has a problem with her magina, or anything else, please give us a call if you can just to let us know you won’t be in to work.  Deal?”

     “Deal.  Sorry about that.  I’ll call next time,” Thomas said.  He put on his gloves and we got work.  

     There is nothing easy in the demolition field.  Nothing is light, nothing is simple, nothing is safe, and everything is a mess. We worked hard that day and around lunch time one of our newest guys, Kevin, came up to me and said, “I think I am going to have leave early today.” 

     I said, “Why?” 

     “’Cause my magina is killing me,” Kevin said.

     “Your magina?”

     “Yea.  I’m pretty sure it is my magina.”

     “Do you need to go to the doctor?” 

     “I think so.”

     “Would you like me to take you to the doctor?” I asked.  

     “No, I think I’ll be able to make it on my own, as long as my magina holds out.” 

     “Ok, get a doctor’s note if you can. Ok?”

     “Ok.”  And off he went.  I looked over at my partner, Willy, who was just shaking his head.  

     “You think his magina will hold out?” I asked Willy.

     "You never know. Sometimes a magina will hold out a lot longer than you think they should.”

     We figured that would be the last we would ever see of Kevin.  Demolition is brutal work. Some guys think they can cut it, but once the axes start to fly they find out that it is much more difficult than it looks.  Sometimes they will tell you they quit.  Sometimes they just never show up again and sometimes, like Kevin, they come up with an interesting reason to change careers.  He was not there the next day.  He was not there the day after that.  Surprisingly though, he showed up three days later.

     “I lost my note,” Kevin said.

     "Your magina all better?" I asked.

     “Fit as a fiddle.”

     “What did the doctor say was wrong with your magina?”

     “He said I over worked it.”  

     Willy turned and walked away.  His whole body was shaking he was laughing to himself so hard. He was cackling under his breath.

     “Did you doctor say you could come back to work?” I asked.

     “Yes sir.  He just told me to take it easy on my magina.”

     “All right then,” I said, “Go on over and let the other guys know your magina is ok now.” 

     I walked over to Willy and we sat on the tailgate of my truck.  We drank our coffee and we watched as Kevin walked over to the rest of the crew.  He sat down with them, and even though we couldn’t hear what he was saying, we could tell what he was saying.  And then they started laughing.  They started laughing so hard some were covering their faces.  Some held their stomachs.  One guy even laid flat on his back and started howling.  When Thomas finally let Kevin know, in no uncertain terms, that while he may have magina problems, they could not have possibly been caused by his own magina.  Kevin looked like he had seen a ghost.  He looked over at me and Willy.  He knew he was fired.  So he got up and started walking toward us.  Willy said to me, “What you wanna do?”

     “If he is willing to roll with us, we will roll with him I suppose.” I said.

     “You gonna make it that easy?”

     “Nope,” I said.  Willie and I sat on the tailgate.  

     Kevin said, “Am I fired?” 

     “Nope,” I said

     “I’m not?” he asked.

     “Nope.”

     “I still have my job?”

     “Yep.”

     “Great!  Thank you.”

     “On one condition…”

     “That I don’t lie to you guys anymore?”

     “Nope.  You may as well keep lying, you want to fit in around here.”

     “What’s the condition then?”

     “That you change your name.”

     “Change my name to what?”

     “Willy will let you know.”  

     He looked at Willy and Willy yelled over to Thomas.  “Hey Thomas, Magina will be working with your crew for the rest of the day.” 

      Everyone was laughing for the rest of that day.  Magina couldn’t even help laughing at himself.

     I have met a lot of people in business and I have learned a lot from each one of them.  In business and in life it is important to do two things and to do them every day.  Laugh, especially at yourself, and roll with the punches.  Not necessarily in that order. 

     That is all.

WHAT ABOUT ME?

I was watching the cat chase our turtle through my living room.  It was a very slow chase, but it was still a chase.  Things can get pretty dicey in my house.  As I’ve said, we live next to a river, but we are also under the constant threat of flooding during heavy rains or hurricanes.  I can deal with natural disasters and catastrophes easily enough these days, though, except for this time.

     Not very long ago, we were under a serious flooding threat.  I don’t get to speak much in my house.  It is best that way since when I do speak no one ever seems to listen anyway, unless I say “Let’s go out to dinner” or something along those lines.  I decided that this would be a good time to speak since everyone was gathered in the living room watching the turtle cat chase, the weather reports on TV, texting, zipping around the internet, and gossiping all at the same time.  I said, “Can I ask everyone something?”  

     No one answered.  

     So, I went right for the throat with my go to approach.  “Let’s go out for dinner!” I said.  

     That snapped them to attention. 

     I asked my youngest daughter, “If we had five minutes to pack the three things you need most and get out of here, what would you take?” 

     “That’s easy Dad,” she said, “I would take my cell phone, my laptop and my cat.”  

      I asked my oldest daughter the same question.  Her reply was the same.  “I would take my cat, my laptop, and my phone.”  

     Then I asked my wife.  

      She said, “I would take everything in the safe, put it in a bag, and then take my two precious angels.”  She smiled at me and said, “Girls let’s go. Daddy is taking us to dinner.”  

     What about me?  Nobody was taking me?  That stung.  On the way to dinner, I punished them by singing classic rock at the top of my lungs while Taylor Swift sang about an ex-boyfriend on the radio.   

     I wondered if Taylor Swift ever thinks for a second that she may be the problem.  My wife turned the radio off and said to me, “What’s your problem?” 

     My youngest daughter said, “Daddy is sad Mom.” 

     “Why are you sad Daddy?” my wife asked me. 

     “He is sad because we left him in the flood,” my oldest daughter said. 

     “Daddy’s not sad,” my wife said to the girls.  “If I saved you two in the flood that is all Daddy needs, so Daddy didn’t need to take anything.” 

     I hate when she does that. My wife was right.  Again.  She is tricky like that.  They truly are the only thing that I need.  This holiday season, my kids asked me what I wanted for Christmas. 

     I told them I already have what I need.

     And I do. 

     That is all.